IT ALL STARTED WITH “AN” EVE

Sorry Richard Armour…  I have no intention whatsoever to plagiarise. I know it’s the Title of one of your series “It all started with Eve.” Well.Not quite ! I have inserted the article “AN” before the word EVE and thus cleared myself of any accusation that might be flung at me by your hard core fans.  

Well, as I say, ‘It all started with an Eve’ (Yeah; a very talented Sulekha blogger who has been posting very interesting blogs, each one different from the other  -  stories : incidents : recipes : award winning photographs : currently a serial--  a soul stirring one with nice story content, descriptions, characterization and philosophy  woven  like thin gold thread through the theme), who wrote a blog requesting  everybody to Ask USM for anything and everything connected with that exclusive corner in the home , called-- kitchen. Sigh !And promptly I have a note from the one and only Beena’s consort saying, he’s going to change the format of his blogs, as he wants to be recognized for some specific thing like  the  tag  I’ve got  - ‘cook.’ He has attached this tag to my name, thanks to -  you know who-  the illustrious author of-  Ask USM !

 Blasphemous, I call it! Here I am trying my best to put my fingers in all the possible pies (Phew, food again) and am I getting branded? (Pun intended!!). The ‘Ask USM’ effect has slowly crept into my brain without my permission.It is bubbling in my blood stream. It is in my breath. I am alarmed! I go about Titling my short story too, as ‘Foodie Items’, thus keeping at bay a few of my male fans !!Yes, my  short story titled “Mysore Pak, Ribbon Pakoda (and Ukkarai”) has alienated Sundars, Wiskyds , Keshavs …..Sigh ! Hope the Prodigal Sons (forgive me) stray back into my fold again(Red Carpets waiting for you guys). So this blog has an Eve in the title, to attract viewers (to confuse all those who think that this one is going to be all about dames .Eh! Eh !Eh!).

Well ,the  Ask USM has it’s one and only advantage too ! I should be fair to this wonderful Eve.  Now I have a prompt and proud reply to any one who asks me ‘Are you working?’  I can say with pride, “Yes. I am the ‘Culinary, Cosmetology & Nutrition Consultant’ for a MNC called Sulekha”.

Now coming  to the point, this blog is on Cooks.

My memory   went on   reverse gear  and I went back many years in time, recalling all the cooks that I have seen in my life.

Amma never believed in cooks. For one, she was of the opinion that her cooking was great. Of course there was no doubt about this. Secondly, cooks dirtied the kitchen. Very true.  Amma  would wipe even a drop of milk or water spilt on the platform or stove immediately. At times, even with her Sari Pallu. But we did have a cook when my brother was three years old and  Amma fell ill. This young lady would hide all the goodies from us sisters. Convincing us that snacks were bad for growing girls, she would put them in the folds of her saree and keep eating them. I remember the afternoon when she was sleeping with her mouth wide open and my sister and I brought a cup of water and started pouring it into her mouth. Caught promptly by our mother at that moment , boy, were we taken to task? We were too young to realize that it would have choked her!!

 In my later life, I have never had any cook, as I firmly believe that I am the sole reigning Empress of my small mansion. But we did have cooks on two occasions for a couple of months, when our children were born, to assist my mother in law, who was a wonderful cook herself. The cook who moved in with us a month before my elder son was born was a wonderful lady. The only (major) fault with her was that she was extremely economical in handling the provisions, fruits and vegetables. She would allot just two Iddlies or two Dosas, One table spoon vegetable and two cups of rice for everyone.  And this little kid in my tummy would be kicking and hollering  “Give Me More Give Me More !!”. Luckily I moved into Amma’s place and the ordeal ended! And when I came back, the cook had gone! She would finish her work soon and sit in the front porch to see ‘who and who were arriving at the house across the road’. It belonged to a film Director and glimpses could be had occasionally of some  film stars. The day the Director died was a thrilling day for her as she could see all the famous stars like Padmini, Savithry, Vijayakumari, Saroja Devi, Shivaji, Gemini, V K Ramaswamy, M R Radha, etc. arriving with wreaths and garlands. !!

There were some hilarious moments with some cooks. One relates to my mother’s elder sister who had a fall in her early days of  marriage and the damage to the spine was so immense that she was unable to cook. She had a cook Kalyani Mami, who was with her for many years as long as they were in Kerala. This aunt and uncle later moved over to Madras   and very soon uncle passed away. Aunt  insisted on being independent and so my mother and other relatives went on a hunt for a cook. It was not that easy to get a live–in-cook twenty years back. They preferred to come over, cook for the day and push off .And catering was  something  unheard of. But aunty needed some one to be with her. Finally, one of the shop keepers in her area got her a cook. Swarnam’s  Tamil (that was her name) was a bit odd and she confessed that this was because she had been with a Saurashtrian family for many years. Her cooking was nothing to be raving  about (Yes. It was nothing ! She knew only to make sambar), but with aunt directing her, everything seemed to get better. On the fifteenth day after her arrival, my aunt showed her the ball of butter that was kept floating in a kadai (made of bronze, used only for this purpose) of water and said,

 “I have cleaned the butter. Just melt it by the time I finish my bath.”

After fifteen minutes, aunt was back in the kitchen. There was no aroma of that heavenly ghee.

“Swarnam,” she asked the cook who was wiping the stove,

 “have you melted the butter?”

“Yes,” said Swarnam, pointing to the Kadai. She had sure melted the butter…along with all that water! 

Two days later, the man who came to collect aunt’s clothes for pressing, saw Swarnam Mami and asked my aunt,

“Where did you catch her?”

When my aunt raised her eyebrows as if asking ‘why ?’, he said….

“She was sweeping in that “H” building, till they chased her off for stealing. She is that shopkeeper’s relative.”

Well. She was sent away with a full month’s salary so that she would not   create a scene.

But the next cook did create a scene. And what a scene it was!

This Mami, a middle aged widow, was brought in by the priest of the Ganesa Temple close by.

Pattu Mami told my aunt, “Whatever salary you give, I accept. But I want to eat well. It is ages since I ate good food. My sister in law is starving me. I want to eat with ghee, dal and curd.”

Aunt took pity on her.

Everything was fine for twenty days. She cooked well. She ate well too. Within a week she looked healthy and pink.

On the twenty first day, another cousin of mine and her husband dropped in to see my aunt. They had lunch and were chatting away. It was past three and tea time. Aunt told my cousin to tell the Mami to prepare tea. My cousin went to the dining room where Mami  normally slept after her lunch. She was missing. She was not there in the kitchen either. She went to the back yard. No way.

She went to the front portico, where Aunt’s tenant upstairs had parked his car.

She was there.

 Gesticulating and talking. There was no body near her. Puzzled, my cousin went near her and asked,

“Who are you talking to, Mami?”

Mami gave my cousin a LOOK and said,

“Can’t you see?To this car. This car and I have been friends for years.”

My cousin bolted  into the house…as if she had seen a ghost…and related everything to my aunt.

My uncle who was staying in the next road was summoned.

They gave her two months’ salary and asked her to leave.

 Well! She sat down in the front porch refusing to budge an inch. Coaxing, pleading, telling her that aunt was selling the house and moving away…no…nothing would work.

Then…my uncle threatened her. Told her he would call the cops. She stood up and stared at them with all the venom in her eyes, took a handful of sand and looking at my aunt, cursed, “You will be ruined,” threw the sand down and walked away. It took my aunt a month too get over her fear! Of course she was’nt ruined !!

I must tell about the Cook in my cousin’s place. This happened a few months ago. She was a wonderful cook. Her Chukku Kapi Powder was so good that my cousin’s wife’s sisters who had come from the U S, took a year’s supply with them when they left. Of course minor irritants were there, like she would insist that her sarees too be starched and ironed and my cousin’s wife would oblige her, as good cooks are hard to get these days. And she would never take even  a day off ! When the family was away for more than two weeks, she would grudgingly go over to her daughter’s place. This puzzled every one. But not for too long; and when the truth came to light…

The family would retire by nine in the night to their bedroom upstairs, and the Mami would watch some serials and go to bed late. It so happened that their Gurkha took his annual vacation and left for Bengal a few days before Diwali.

The new security guy, sent by the company took charge.

At 9.30 p.m. in the night, a man landed on a rickety scooter. To the Security Guard, he introduced himself as the Mami’s son in law. Our heroine…the Mami…came out with a tall, huge tiffin carrier. The man secured 

the vessel to the scooter and off he went. This happened for two days. On the third day, a tin of oil was also being loaded.

The Security suspected some thing fishy and related the whole thing to my cousin’s wife. Well. The next day she was caught. A good solid meal with three vegetables cooked everyday for the daughter’s family. Once in a while, some oil or ghee or rice. Well. She was asked to go. And when the old Security guy returned, he was transferred to  my cousin`s  factory, as he was being paid some cash by this lady to keep mum!!

Well. Some need cooks. Some don’t.And those who don't, are blessed !